Re: my heart belongs to hepc stood out on the screen as I was ‘surfing’ the ‘net’. I was looking at a medical chat board at the time. Hepatitis affects the liver, not the heart, so with much contemplation I decided to open the message and this is what was found.

Posted by shelly on August 25 1999 at 13:42:21

"7 months ago i met the man of my dreams. one month after we met he was diagnosed with hep c. we’ve been careful. did a little research but now it’s becoming serious. i think he’s the one. i want to be with him forever and i’m scared to death. i don’t know anyone in a relationship with some one that has the disease. i want to know things like can we have children? what sex acts can I not do? how long will he live??? i am scared. i live in colorado and i am looking for a support group. i have so many questions but i don’t know where to start. if anyone can help me i would aprreciate it. thanx-shelly"

I must have been mumbling to myself because my wife, Mary, came into the room to ask me to whom I was talking. I showed her the message, and she asked, "do you think we should answer her?" I was hoping she would think like that because we have been living with hepatitis type "c" for many years now. Those with this disease commonly call it hep c and the official abbreviation in medical talk is HCV.
Mary sat at the keyboard.

"Shelly…please try to e-mail me…I am married to a hepper…have been for 16 years and perhaps I can calm your fears…we have two children born since hubby got this beast and both are fine 13 and 15 year olds…Mary."

The next day this is what we found in our e-mailbox:

From: n&0ut@al.com

To: bobom@prodigy.net

Subject: can you really help me?

"thank you so much for returning my post. my e-mail address is n&0ut@al.com. i don’t know where to start. what sort of preventions to you do to keep from getting it? how did you have children? where are you from? i have so many questions. i am scared. i love him so much. is it possible to have a normal life with him? i think i’ll start by telling you our story. 7 months ago today we met. at first sight i was done. he was every thing i ever wanted. he lives in a program for drug and alcohol addicts, he has been sober for 8 months. yeah i know all about the program and that we are not necessarly doing what we should but we couldn’y help it. were best friends for the first 3 months but we were already in love. (excuse me if this letter is all over the place) 1 month after i met him he was diagnosed with hep c. but it was to late, i couldn’t leave him for that. i,m not even sure the thought crossed my mind. It’s been 7 months of heaven. everything is going great with his program. becaause of where he is at he has to go to a clinic dr. the dr. said his liver levels are very low but it is still in his blood, of course. they aren’t giving him any medication right now. is that the best that can be done? anyway we are planning to take his to a specialist when he is done with this program in dec. i want to know everything about this disease. i am sorry i am very nervous. the reason it took 7 months for me to feel this is unknown to me. i think it is because we are getting serious an i am thinking about spending the rest of my life with him. if you could help me i would be so extremely greatful.

Shelly

a little about myself – i am 19, i am going to cosmotology school, i don’t drink or do drugs, we both smoke ciggerettes, i am pretty grown up for my age i don’t want to marry any time soon but this is the first time in my life i have eve thought about it."

My sympathy deteriorated with the realization that Shelly was not a blood transfusion victim but a stupid kid infatuated with a drugger. My hepatitis problem stems from police work involving a crispy critter. In subduing a suspect in a steak house disturbance, I was in the position to either use deadly force or hand combat to subdue. As scary as it was, I went hand to hand against him. When I first arrived on the scene, I found two couples who had finished their meal and had been accosted on the way to their car. One of the men was bloody all over his upper torso. He informed me that as he and his wife and friends were walking to their auto a man in an army uniform came from out of nowhere and yelled in his face that his mother was a man. Without another word the suspect assaulted the elderly man and then ran somewhere in the parking lot and hid. I started searching the parking lot. As I was walking down the rows of parked cars, he jumped from between two cars and shouted to me that my mother was a man. He then proceeded to attack me with a martial art technique. He was so drugged out that I first broke a five-cell flashlight against his temple, and all this did was to make him become more belligerent. A blow to the same spot in the temple followed by a left cross to the nose knocked him to the ground, but the guy was like a rubber ball, he bounced right back upright. After several times of this, him going to the ground, my sergeant arrived on the scene. Between the two of us, we were finally able to subdue, and it was at this time that I found my hands were dripping blood, his and mine. I transported him to the hospital to be repaired and at the same time to have my hands bandaged. While there, the local Military Police came, and I placed him into their custody as he was an Army sergeant home on leave from Viet Nam. As you can see, I don’t get weepy over drug users. Being a cop, I didn’t even before he infected me. I guess I started muttering again, because Mary came back in and said to me, "but this is not him asking for help but a young stupid kid that has gotten herself mixed up in a mess. Whether you answer her or not, I am going to at least give her some guidance."

From: bobom@prodigy.net

To: n&0ut@al.com

"Shelly,

I have been traveling the same road you are now. My husband was officially diagnosed with HCV in 1992, but we feel that he had it for many years prior. It can be present in the body for many years with no symptoms present. We have two children born in the time period that we are sure he had hep c. They both are negative and have been since birth. I am negative. We have been together sixteen years. The main protection we use is whenever he gets a cut or scratch and there is blood present, I use latex gloves to treat him. We use no protection in all aspects of sex. The chance of it being transferred sexually is so remote that it is negligible. He is going to be moody, with brain fog, (easily forgetful). Jeff, at times becomes upset when reminded of things -- he gets over it. Mary"

"You did not give her much information," I said.

"At least I answered her, which is more that you did," Mary told me.

Mary was right, of course. How can I answer and not tell Shelly to get a life and move on from an obvious loser? The father in me wants to scream, "run don’t walk but find someone else." The ex-cop in me feels anger at her fiancé; after all it was a drug user that put me into the position I am at today. Mary interrupted my thoughts by saying, "Perhaps if you could just give her the complete picture on what kind of a life she is facing in this relationship? After all, that is all she has asked for, not your judgment. You have been through all the aspects of this. You are articulate enough, and if you could paint the trouble she is facing vividly, it just might change her mind." Smart woman, my Mary.

To: n&0ut@al.com

From: bobom@prodigy.net

"Shelly,

This is Jeff talking now. What the wife wrote to you previously is true, she just did not say enough. We would be wrong to lead you to believe it is impossible for you to get this. It is remote but??? As the wife said, 16 years together, and I am the only one with hep c. What will follow is from my view as one who has been there. When you ask how long of a life, just today. I live for each day and live that day to the best of my ability. You did not give how bad your friend is. A specialist told me in 1992 that most with this disease have a normal life span. He also told me that he could take me into his ward and show me people near death awaiting liver transplants. Should the need for a transplant arise, in addition to the initial operation, the cost of monthly medication to prevent the body from rejecting the donor organ is close to one thousand dollars a month. The average time a person lives after a transplant is two years or less. As you can see, not good odds, and I will not consider this option.

Your special friend has decisions to make that will affect his and your life. Drinking or doing drugs is a death wish on his part should he start again. I dearly love a good steak, but even red meats are a no-no. Iron content is high in red meat, so if it walks on four legs I have to ignore it. Iron is hard on liver. I have flu like symptoms all the time, low grade fevers, diarrhea, aches and pains and require ten to twelve hours sleep daily, double the amount I used to need. Is he capable of raising children? The illness may become so severe that he will be unable to work and would be at home. This would put you into the position of earning the means to have a home. Does he have hobbies to occupy himself or will he sit around and feel sorry for himself? I am very susceptible to over-exposure to the sun now. Are you and he indoor people? I have severe mood swings and constantly fight depression. I have been on mild tranquilizers at one time because of this.

You mentioned that you wish to know all there is to know about hep c. We are writing history with this disease. On several occasions, my files went to the doctor’s office with me. I knew more than the doctor did. I had one doctor who did not want to treat me for kidney stones (another side to this disease). He gave me a specimen jar and told me to take it home and bring the sample back, as if somehow by using his bathroom I would contaminate the place. This attests to the fact that due to ignorance you will have few friends, as it is only natural that people fear what they don’t know. What is now known is that four million people in the United States are carriers of this disease. It is expected to go higher as more people are tested. I have read estimates that one in twenty have this disease. It is called the "silent killer" because so many have it and do not, at this time know.

To prevent contracting this one must question all needle sticks, including tattoos and body piercing. One must not share personal items such as combs, toothbrushes and razors. Many are thought to have been infected by sharing drug paraphernalia; this includes the practice of snorting cocaine. On rare occasions, infection has occurred by blood transfusions, this normally prior to about 1991. http://nationalhepatitis-c.org/faq.htm will give you an overview of the facts about this disease while http://nationalhepatitis-c.org/heplinks.htm will connect you to various links.

As for treatment options, none are available with better than twenty percent success rates, and of those who are lucky enough to be in the twenty percent, only four percent of the twenty percent are disease-free six months later. I received treatments in 1993, and for six months I lived in hell. One side effect is suicide, and because of this, my family lived in constant terror. I had to remind myself daily that it was the treatment causing my moods and not me, and somehow we all lived through this time, only to have the disease still there afterward. My hair and teeth fell out though. Even the newer treatments are nothing more than cross your fingers and hope, as they are not much better on the cure rates. All have tremendous side effects, so as long as I can keep reasonably healthy through proper diet and plenty of rest, I will resist treatments until absolutely necessary.

I contacted this through police work and have had a hard time in composing this answer for you. You see this is normally associated with drug users, and on rare occasions, blood transfusions in hospital settings. Your friend has brought this upon himself through his lifestyle choices.

The father in me wants to tell you to run from this relationship, but I cannot advise you in matters of the heart. This decision you must make. Would I marry knowing I have this disease? I must say no, as I feel a woman deserves more. I am unable to work, am sick much of the time, and very likely will die early. Is that a fair gift to a spouse?

I wish you all the best. Jeff"