It all begins on a mast and sprawling college campus teeming with intellectuals and cutting edge research that might someday change the course of humanity, forever. Well, for a few weeks anyhow, maybe the people of the town might behave a little differently. Okay, some of them, the ones who actually take the experimental drugs. At any rate, the campus truly is vast and stretches out through beautiful and majestic redwood trees and large thriving ferns that look like green explosions frozen in time. A couple of short miles to the west, the trees thin out allowing the ferns to explode everywhere. A little further to the west, the ferns mix with smaller shrubs that mingle with the fine white sand. The sand leads to the rocks that break the waves crashing in from the ocean, except in those places where the waves roll easily onto wet sand, between the rocks. To the east, the hills in the distance roll gracefully into mountains. The sky scratching mountains often get in the way of aloof fluffy clouds drifting slowly to the east. To the north and south the land is relatively flat, so travel in and out of the town is not too difficult from those directions. One does need some travel time however, sine the next town, with more than 1500 people, is situated 173 miles south-southeast. That is the town of Blackbook, pop. 1564. Another 78 miles south you cross into the big city of Burncashquick, pop. 1,847,328, but that really has nothing to do with this tale.

The point is, the campus I am on has an ample student body, 29,484, and some of them are very bright. They are the 3% not here to enjoy this paradise and party. The "vacationers" refer to them as three-per centers(3%ers). The "vacationers" received their name from my imagination. I noticed that most students here only strive for C grades. They also strive for higher levels of intoxication and deeper levels of depravity almost daily. I have nothing against these people, in fact, I respect their dedication to living how they want to and reveling in their banal wildness. I, on the other hand, attempt to learn useful information, continually develop new skills, hone old skills and only occasionally get crazy. Due to that type of behavior, some people say I am one of the 3%ers, but I don’t buy it.

Although this school supports a large population, the pollution level remains low, due to the fact that most people here walk, bike, or roller blade everywhere they go and have an uncanny knack for putting their garbage into garbage cane. This means that traffic jams remain almost unheard of. If the first and last days of school didn’t happen, there would never be a traffic jam. The town designers planned to accommodate this type of non-motorized travel and the climate goes right along with their plan.

The temperature seems to suit just about everyone almost all the time. On those rare occasions when it rains during the day, the sun somehow finds a way to shine its warming rays on us despite the rain clouds. Fortunately, 94% of the time it does rain, it rains at night. As for lightning, the town planners designed an elaborate, almost artistic, ring of lightning rods. They placed them in such a way that virtually all the lightning in the area strikes only the rods. The rods add security and make for great viewing pleasure during active lightning storms. Plus, the "vacationers" often throw impromptu parties, when a good storm hits, held near the edge of town, and chug, any available drink, every time lightning strikes a rod. In the 84 year history of the town, lightning has destroyed only one building and caused damage to only two. Most people think the crotchety old man whose building burned from the lightning strike had it coming.

While all of these great attributes defy reason, to me, the most peculiar phenomenon in this town is that everyone who wants to work, works, and the cost of living remains low even though the standard of living is charmingly cozy. Most of the homeless guys, and most of them are men, are just taking time off. They got fed up with working and paying bills at some point and decided to experience total freedom. It is very common to see a guy sleeping on the beach one week and working the teller window at the Super Bank the next, or vice-versa. As for the cost of living, take my pad for instance; two bedrooms, two baths, a chef’s kitchen, ample living room, washer/dryer included and two blocks from the beach for a mere $183 a month! What I am trying to say is, either this place is as close to paradise as any place on earth can be, or I as so blind to reality that it seems perfect to me.

The big mystery in this tale is how a certified lunatic goofball like myself ended up in this paradise and in such a dream like predicament. I am a directionless, unmotivated, somewhat paranoid, hopeless romantic caught up in the delusion that I can do no wrong. Yes, I am working on a drug research degree, and I am doing well in that pursuit. No, I do not think my phones are tapped, or that the Government is watching me from inside my computer. Sure, I may feel uncomfortable sometimes and be in a position where it seems like I have made a mistake or erred in some way, but through simple patience I see how everything works out for the best in the end, or at that point in the middle that looks kinda like the end from where I am standing(I will get back to the middle thing later). But, I am not sure if I will end up researching drugs. I am not sure the Government is not finding a way to get inside my computer. I do believe there is one special specific person for everyone, and everything happens for a reason, a reason most of us are too blinded by our egos to see.

I am not much to look at, but apparently like the main character in Woody Allen’s "What’s New Pussycat?," I am almost handsome at a certain angle. This suits me just fine, because I don’t like people pestering me; male or superfine female. However, I do enjoy the company of intelligent people with more to talk about than how much they drank last night and how far they projected their vomit, especially if those people happen to be women who find odd looking men like me appealing. This preference might be how the nasty rumor about me being a 3%er got started.....hmmmm.

That leads me to the most important part of this story, Andrea Jasminefield Golfberg. You guessed it, she has a hippy parent; the other one pushed for Andrea. Not being incredibly fond of either name, she goes by A.J. Hair black enough to please the devil himself, eyes dark like a black hole, pulling in everything that gets close enough and leaving no hope of escape, a smile to wage wars over, the body of the Earth Mother herself, a voice that would quiet the most troubled child and a fondness for seeing me when I am mad. Apparently, I am just so "cute" when I’m mad. A.J., like me, hails not from this idyllic wonderland of higher learning, but from some less perfect place. We both traveled here from opposite ends of the Earth and it is only by the grace of the fates that we know one another. I say that because at a school this size, you would have to see 80 new people a day, for all 365 days of the year, to see everyone in one year.

Remember, I told you I am a hopeless romantic.

A.J. is the kind of girl who not only turns heads, she also makes ears and minds turn. A.J. possesses a wealth of knowledge, experiential and theoretical, and amazingly enough she still manages to remain modest, down to earth, and humorous. She also possesses masterful origami skills. A.J. can turn any kind of paper into any kind of animal, living or extinct, and often does. But, perhaps her most impressive talent, depending on what type of freak you happen to be, resides in a different realm; ballet dancing. A.J. danced professionally for several years, gracing the stages of many a Mid-western high schools and even a couple in the Deep South, until the age of 19. Then the spirit left her and she began to pursue a new passion, synchronized swimming. Similar to ballet, yet easier on the body, less clothing and wetter. Luckily for me, this institution not only offers the finest drug research laboratories in the country, my niche in life, it also host a nationally ranked synchronized swimming team. A.J. hopes to help bring them their first national championship. Now that you know a little bit about us and where we are, I can tell you about our "conversation."

The "conversation", as I so suspiciously state it, happened in several places over a good amount of time, and will hopefully continue for years to come. It covers many topics ranging from the validity of world religions, to sexual preference, to where one might eat well-prepared sushi in the city. Since this "conversation" began so long ago I no longer remember the exact day it began. What I do remember suits my purposes just fine.

It happened in the afternoon, during the spring, or fall. Truth be told, could have been winter, but it certainly didn't happen in the summer. Laughing softly, A.J. walked to the door leading outside and said to me, in a voice that soothed me like the emptying of a syringe full of heroin into a junkies battered vein, "You're crazy."

I grinned. Reeling slightly, I wondered why she wasted her precious energy to speak to me, even if it was only two relatively small words. I tried to say something, and probably did say something foolish, but at this point in time I do not recall anything else about the beginning of the conversation.

Yes, yes, I know, where are the parentheses? Well I got tired of writing them and am giving you enough credit to "understand" what I am talking about, OK?

A.J. referred to my semi-moronic behavior in the class we had together, Improvisational Comedy in the American Political Arena. During class, I might have kept myself from popping off, as my Papa would put it, but I choose not to. Besides, the instructor found that random acts of silliness and humor added to the depth of the lectures. Plus, I find life much more tolerable when I am making light of everything I possibly can. I have also found that people find me generally more approachable when I behave in this fashion. Yes, I know I said I am not too fond of people hounding me all the time, and I stand by that statement. However, I do not want to be seen as an isolated rude person. I will gladly suffer a few boring chats with people I will likely never see again, to keep from being viewed as rude. Plus, I might not have ever gotten to know A.J. had I been a quiet, dull, stick-in-the-mud.

As the season, whatever season it happened to be, turned into the next season, and this time it could have been summer, we ran into one another here and there and sometimes had a chance to talk. Our conversations tended to revolve around trivial matters and rarely touched on any topics of substance. I did, however, have a chance to glimpse A.J.'s spark, that magical fire within her that radiates warmth for anyone near her to absorb. Once I'd seen this I began to want her more, and I wanted to know more about her. She fascinated me and seemed interested in what I had to say as well. What drew me to her most, besides her Starry Night beauty, was how she differs from most people I know. She had lived and learned, traveled and explored, and she was still just this girl.

The first time our conversation ran into deeper subject matter it transpired at my place of employment. I worked a desk job in the evenings for the college. Fortunately, my hours started after my boss went home. I almost never worked hard, because there were few duties required for me to fulfill. So one evening, I believe it drizzled some, A.J. passed by my desk. Well, she almost passed.

"Hey, what are you doing down here?," I asked hoping to hook her.

She replied, "Oh, I have some research to do, not that I want to, but I have a paper due in a week and still have a lot to do."

"Oh yea? What are you researching?" I tried not to let my motivation show, but I was grinning like an idiot.

"Well," she looked up and paused while collecting her thoughts, then continued, "It has to do with the validity and reliability of I.Q tests and what they are good for."

"That's very interesting," I chimed happily, "It just so happens that I took one the other day."

"Really? You took an I.Q. test? You're not just saying that?," A.J. asked as she picked up a piece of scrap paper from my desk and began to fold it at odd angles.

"No", I shook my head like a five year old, "I really took one on the inter-net. Not that I believe it's very accurate

"Why not? Did you score really low or something?" she laughed softly as she replied.

I glared momentarily before saying, "Actually, I scored in the top one half of one percent, which makes me a super genius." I could tell by her expression that she thought I was pulling her leg, and while I did want to touch her leg, it was not so that I could pull it. "I'm not kidding. That's why I don't buy it, the tests, cause I am not a super genius." A.J. smiled and shook her head while she continued folding effortlessly.

"But you sure like to tell people you scored that high?" She laughed a little. "And you like to think you're a genius too, don't you?"

I decided I had her hooked and started to reel her in, so I said, "Ok, so I took this IQ test after my buddy Rocco took it and he'd scored rather high. He's a pretty competitive guy and wanted to see if I could beat his genius level score. We were both surprised when I did. I never thought of myself as a genius. Well, ok, I never thought I was really a genius, but used to pretend to be one sometimes. Anyway, we both laughed it off thinking the test must be bogus. Then he finds out that Mensa says the test we took is accurate. They even have a link to the same test from their official site. So, what I'm wondering is, if I'm a genius, does that explain why I don't care about simple stuff and mostly want to talk about theoretical abstract ideas? I don't know." Then I pulled out my net, "My biggest problem is that I find it hard to believe that a super genius can have such an over powering sex drive." I flashed A.J. a Groucho like smile, eyebrows bouncing.

"Hahahaha! I am sure that must be troubling." She laughed so loudly that few people looked at us. "Are you ever serious, or is everything a joke to you?"

"I'm serious," I said, as I dropped the smile, "seriously goofy."

"That's what I thought. I've seen you acting seriously before, and it was just an act I'm sure . A.J.'s smile made my mind twirl like a woman in an Islamic trance. She finished her folding and set a small animal on my desk.

I looked at the creature for a moment and asked, "What exactly is that?"

She looked at me with a look that said, 'are you blind or just stupid' and said, "it's a duck billed platypus. Haven't you ever seen one before?"

"Oh! Yea! It sure as hell is! I've never seen one with algebra scribbled on its back, so it took me a second." I smiled at her, my attraction to her pouring out through my eyes like the wine from a bottle at a Bacchanal. I did not want her to leave yet, I had not had my fill of her. I knew she was married and I didn't even think about telling her how attracted to her I was. Then I remembered something, "Speaking of I.Q, I heard, from a woman in my family, men can only do one thing at a time, mentally, but women can do several. Do you believe that, and do you think it's beneficial to women?" I felt like I was stretching it with the I.Q. connection, but I could not just let her go.

"I have heard that before and think, in some ways, it is beneficial. That type of mental functioning gives women an edge in jobs like waiting tables, secretarial work and being a short-order cook, to being a stockbroker, lawyer, or a surgeon. All of those jobs could be better preformed by a person whose mind figured out two or three things at once.

She spoke so clearly and seemed so sure of herself, I thought about not adding anything to what she had said, but I could not help myself. I asked, "Do you think that explains why the vast majority of sages, prophets and enlightened beings have been men. The fact that single mindedness plays a major role in finding Nirvana would seem to place finding it closer to men."

A.J. smiled, obviously thinking about how sexist my statement sounded. She took a deep breath and said, "You always have to support your fellow man, you little pig. But, I think you are right. In meditation, having a mind that only does one thing at a time could help you stay focused longer."

It was my turn to make her mad now, "~ agree with you that women make better lawyers. Women are much meaner and more vicious than men in arguments." I leaned back slightly and watched for her face to turn red.

"Yes, and we are much better at arguing too." She just smiled with great satisfaction, giving no sign of anger whatsoever. "Well, I better get going," she said as she stood up, "Thanks for your insight into I.Q. tests. I'll see you around." Just like that she was gone.

I sat for a while thinking about A.J. and wondered if I would ever have a chance to get to know her on more than a passing basis.

A month or two passed before I saw A.J. again. Again she walked up to my desk and said, "Hello. Are you all right? You look upset about something."

"Is it that obvious?" I sarcastically replied.

"Yes, you're one of the most transparent people I have ever know. You wear your moods like most people wear their clothes." She'd learned that from the class we'd had together.

A.J. stared at me intensely and smiled ever so slightly. I tried to maintain my icy attitude, but I never could stay angry for long, and with this angel staring me down I melted. A smile began to stretch across my face.

"So what's bothering you?" A.J. asked as she sat down. "Too many women? All your flirting finally caught up to you?" She could see that she was getting to me. "I knew it couldn't be that bad. Tell me what's wrong."

I looked at her for a moment and gathered my thoughts. "I am not sure where to begin. I have this same problem every once in a while. I have experienced things that make me believe that this world is not the one and only true and permanent reality. It exists only as a distraction, so to speak. This world disillusions us so that we get caught up in elaborate games and chase desires thinking they will bring us the greatest joy and fulfill us, when they only lead us to confusion and sadness. Well, I glimpsed something more real than this world once or twice, and thought about following it. I never did though. Now, as I chase after ghosts that I know will lead me to some empty artificial happiness, I can't help but remember the magic that touched me in the past."

A.J. looked a little surprised. "Wow, that's not what I expected to hear at all, but I think I know what you're talking about. I sometimes think about what I am doing with my life and if it's a waste of time or not. That sounds like kind of an eastern view of life you're talking about. Do you read much eastern philosophy?"

"I have read some, but most of what I know comes from friends who know about eastern religions and from a class I once took."

"They're very interesting and I agree with much of what they say. I'd like to know more, but I'm so busy I never seem to have time to read about them. I have read a little but really don't know enough."

A.J. looked so interested and beautiful. I wanted her to stay all night so I continued talking, "My real problem is that I feel like there are only two legitimate paths to follow in life. The first is to devote your life to finding enlightenment and the second is to follow your bliss. I'm not doin' either. For a limited time I can dive deeply enough into what I am doing to forget that ~ should be doing one of those two things, but it always smacks me upside my head and wakes me up when I least expect it."

"Why don't you?" "Why don't I what?"

"Seek enlightenment or follow your bliss, whatever that is

"Well I would like to seek enlightenment, but I want to do it using tantra." I stared at A.J. as I said this to see if she knew about tantra. When her eyes got big and her mouth opened I knew she did.

"I can't believe you said that!" she lightly slapped my left leg and continued, "You always have a joke to make. Were you serious about any of that?"

"Yes, I am serious about all of it, even the tantra part, but it can wait until I find the right someone

"I'm sure you'll find Mrs. Right eventually."

I thought, 'I've already found her,' then looking as serious as possible I replied, "Yea, you're right, either that or a wealthy Mrs. Wrong."

Giggling A.J. said, "You'd like that wouldn't you?"

With dramatic pauses between each number I replied, "Oh, one, two, three years tops." A.J. laughed again. "But once I'd been around the globe a couple of times I'd get restless and this same dilemma would haunt me again."

"So since you're not ready to seek enlightenment why don't you follow your bliss? And what is your bliss anyway?"

"Well, the only thing I am truly passionate about, besides beautiful women like yourself..."

"Oh, thank you."

"...is music, all types of music. All types except for twangy county and big band. Matter of fact, I can describe what my hell will be, if that is in fact where I end up."

"Oh, do tell."

"It will be a small western bar packed full of loud cowboys, tore all the way down to the ground, and not one cowgirl in sight. Then, at one end of the room will be a very big band fronted by a seriously hicky singer, who can't carry a tune, singing nothing but Patty Duke songs over and over for all of eternity."

A.J. chuckled happily as she pictured me in my own personal hell. "Thoughts like that might motivate me to get on the path to enlightenment too," she said obviously amused by my rambling.

"Do you believe in hell?" I asked.

"Oh, I don't know. People do bad things, sure, but an eternal punishment₁ -seems a little harsh, don't you think?"

"Yea," A.J. had tapped into a rant, "I used to ponder this kinda thing for long periods of time when I had no responsibilities. I thought, God exists in all time and is therefore aware of everything that has happened, is happening and will happen. So since God made the angel that became the devil, God deemed evil a necessity, either another form of good or a needed counterpart. So I concluded that people could do no wrong. If evil was created by God and was needed, then there had to be people who did evil things and they are just as vital as good people. I figured that if a person did something that we thought was evil it was done for a reason, whether we knew why or not. Considering the fact that we live in the middle of infinity, we cannot know the initial cause or the final effect of any action. So how can we really know how good or bad an action is without seeing the final effect? Then the drugs wore off, just kidding. Of course in true infinity there can be no initial cause or a final effect, but that takes all the fun out of my argument

A.J. couldn't contain herself and interjected, "You're so full of yourself. You probably just read that in a book somewhere." She stared at me to see if her comments had the desired effects on me. My eyebrows reached for one another and tried to shake hands while my smile wilted. Then she continued, "You are so cute when you're mad."

I exhaled quickly through my nose and sent my eyebrows back to their corners. "Next time just kick me in the shin, it's quicker."

"Oh, yea, I'll remember that."

"I'm sure you will, now if I may continue."

"Yes, please," A.J. bowed slightly and extended her right hand towards me, "do continue."

"Where was I? Ah yes, I did eventually decide that, that is not entirely true, the never doing wrong thing. I figured that the only way a person could do no wrong and never commit an evil act was if they existed only in the current moment. If a human could keep their mind focused on the here and now without a single thought straying to the past, the future, or to any location except for the one they were in right then, they could not do anything evil. I figured they would be in the presence of God and be guided by God. Since precious few individuals on earth have ever been able to do that, it seems rather insignificant."

"That's pretty deep, but I will give you my thoughts on the subject. Good and evil only exist here on this plane. If a person transcends this world then they leave behind not only their body, but also the concept and the ability to do good or evil acts. They just do."

I thought for a moment before saying, "When you put it that way it all sounds so simple."

"Some of us are just gifted." A.J. grinned at me for a moment and said, "Well, I think you should follow your bliss, whatever that is, since you didn't exactly tell me what it is, and if you don't know what it is yet, then keep doing what you are doing until you figure it out." She smiled brightly at me and I smiled weakly back as she continued, "You feeling better now?"

"Yes, I guess."

We exchanged good-byes and she left.

This type of run-in continued for over a year. We would talk in passing, laughing and connecting in a way I never had with anyone else. Several times, during our "conversation", I felt so close to A.J. that I almost kissed her, forgetting that she had a husband. Although I wanted A.J., I continued dating during that time but had not found anyone who really swept me away. Since none of the girls I dated made an impression on me, I often joked with A.J. about telling me if she ever planned on getting a divorce. I didn't think she ever would, but one day I read an e-mail from her that said she was, indeed, getting a divorce. I immediately wrote her back telling her I thought her joke was funny.

The next time I ran into her she assured me that she really was divorcing her husband. I did not know what to do or say. She was so beautiful and so wonderful. A.J. had always been untouchable, an impossible dream, and now this door had opened and she was almost in reach, a dream that could become a reality. I wanted to kiss her then and there, to take her in my arms and hold her for the rest of my life. I knew I couldn't do that though. I knew that I had to wait and find out if she had ever even given me a thought. I figured she also needed time to get passed her divorce. I fell into chaos wondering if this happened for me or if it had nothing to do with me at all. Feelings of joy tangled themselves with feelings of compassion for A.J.'s predicament. I felt badly for her and deviously happy for me.

"Wow, I'm sorry to hear that," I said half-heartedly.

"Thanks, but it's been coming for a while."

We talked for a while, not long, and I left still tormented by mixed feelings.

That night I slept restlessly, tossing and turning while sweat rolled off my face and dampened my sheets. Dreams stretched the few hours I slept into days. My recollection faded in the weeks that passed since, but the dreams happened something like this...I approached a small building, like a house only simpler. A plain wooden square, the building stood in a field of wildflowers that swayed too slowly for their height and the strength of the wind. The building needed a few coats of paint, a window or two and a knob on the front door. I approached the building cautiously, anticipating something, but I did not know what. I pushed the door open and walked inside. It took me a few moments to realize I could not be in the building I had just entered. The room I stood in astonished me and dwarfed the larger than life size statues that filled each corner. I felt as if I had been there before and a great easiness filled me. The room was well lit and several plush chairs and sofas were arranged to encourage social interaction. A reds and gold motif dominated and large paintings hung on the walls. I did not realize that the exterior of this room did not fit this lavish interior for several moments because it stunned me with its beauty. I walked around the room, touched the furniture and ran my hands along one of the statue's legs. I distinctly felt the softness of the sofa and the cold firmness of the marble statue. I wanted to find a person so I could ask them some questions. I lost that thought quickly and decided to go back outside for some reason. I reached for the polished brass doorknob and decided to turn around before I left. The room had changed as I walked to the door, but only in color. It now had a blue and green color scheme, the marble statues predominately blue with streaks of emerald green running up and down the bodies like veins. I decided to leave anyway.

Walking through the doorway led me into a crowded street at sometime around noon. People shuffled past and ran into me cursing about the "stupid man." I tried to get my bearings by turning around to look at the building I'd just exited. A man stood in its place, a serene man with floating green eyes. By floating I mean his eyes seemed detached from his body even though they remained in their sockets. Staring at him gave me a feeling of near weightlessness. A grin slowly crept onto his smooth face. It rose like the sun, with a slow certainty, tickling me as it grew. Our gaze drowned out all the frantic people that cursed me moments before, and we stood alone in a rocky plain as dusty winds swirled around us. "You're heart does not lie to you." He had not spoken, but I heard him speak those words to me. I blinked slowly, as if I were drunk, and when I opened my eyes I saw only clouds, the deeply blue sky and a few purple wild flowers above me. I smelled some faint familiar sent drifting from nearby. I sat up to find a 'woman with dark hair standing approximately ten feet from me. She stared at something in the distance, with her back to me. The scent had to be her perfume. I stood up and walked towards her. I reached out to place my left hand on her left arm and said, "Excuse me" as I made contact. She disappeared and I caught a glimpse of what she had been staring at, a beautiful crystal clear lake. It filled the valley below the hill I stood on and a young girl fished from a small boat near the center of the lake... My alarm clock woke me shortly after this.

I thought about the dream while warm water ran down the length of my body. I could make little sense of the dreams and felt as if I had not slept at all. The serene man's words played round and around in my mind. A strong cup of coffee helped me overcome the drowsiness, but I could not shake the feeling that the dream meant something, something I did not yet grasp. And I wondered, what did my heart not lie about?

I ran into A.J. several times during the next three weeks and we talked for 30 minutes or more a few times. I didn't attempt to change or escalate our relationship, so to speak, during that time, but became restless and decided to ask her out.

I saw A.J. around 10:30 in the morning a couple of days later and asked her if she wanted to have lunch with me. She said she would and we agreed on a meeting place. I tried not to think about what we would talk about and what I might say to her but I have always imagined scenario after scenario hoping that I would imagine all the possible ways that something might happen in the hopes that I would not find myself at a loss for words. It never works. In fact, most often I picture several favorable scenarios, and in effect seem to rule out the likelihood that they will happen. This leaves me stuck in an unforeseen and sometimes embarrassing situation.

At 12:i5 I left the school and walked down the street toward the cafe' in which we agreed to meet. I planned on arriving early even though I knew A.J. rarely arrived anywhere on time. I wanted to acclimate myself to the cafe' before A.J. showed up. Like a fool, I allowed myself to feel a new pressure, the pressure of impressing A.J. Until now, I knew where we both stood and where the lines were and had no intention of crossing them. Now I wondered where I fit into her picture. I knew where I wanted myself to fit and saw no reason why I shouldn't try to get there. Then it dawned on me, 'this woman knows me, knows the real me, that's all she'd ever known and she still agreed to eat with me'. I relaxed considerably, but I was still a little nervous.

A.J. danced into the cafe' five minutes late radiating the joy of being off work for the rest of the day. "Hello," she said as she sat down.

My heart had started trying to escape my chest when she walked through the door, but I maintained and said, "Hey, how was school today? You look happy to be done."

"Well, yes. I was busy almost all day so the time flew, but I'm a little tired. Thank goodness I don't have swimming practice today."

I smiled and thought about how lucky I was to have such a beautiful woman sitting with me. "So then what are you going to d₀ for the rest of the day?" I asked craving her response like a gambler waiting to see the dealers up card.

"Oh, I don't know. I have so much I need to do, I haven't decided what needs to be done first. I'll probably end up doing laundry and cleaning my house."

"Sure you will," I rolled my eyes at her and smiled.

Laughing she said, "You shut up, you don't know what I'm going to do. I could go clean." She paused looking at me suspiciously then continued, "I might go looking for a..."

"Yeah, yeah," I interrupted, "That's what I thought."

"...Hey, I really need a blender," she said, trying to look serious.

"Yes, I'm sure you couldn't get by one more day without a blender

She laughed again, "Ok, you say that like you never put anything off just because you didn't want to do it."

I looked at her a moment before responding. Then I said calmly, "I have, it's true, but I only put off monumentally important things like paying my credit card bills and taxes."

As A.J. grinned the waitress said hello and asked us what we wanted to drink.

A.J. smiled at her and said, "I just want a glass of water."

"I would like a pint of Spaten Optimator, in a frosted glass please," I answered.

"We don't serve that here sir. Can I get you something else?"

I gave our waitress the most disappointed look I could muster and said, "Oh, wow, I really had my heart set on a nice cold glass of Spaten, I'm heart broken that you don't serve it here." A.J. tried not to laugh out loud and stared wide eyed at me while I tormented this poor young woman. I continued pouting, "I guess I'll just have a glass of water then."

Our waitress looked at me with disbelief in her eyes before saying, "I'll bring out your water and take your order in a minute.

As soon as our waitress was out of ear shot A.J. jokingly ripped into me, "You are so mean. How could you toy with that poor girl that way?"

"I'm going to leave her a good tip."

"And that makes it alright to play with her that way."

I could tell by the way she smiled that she was only partly serious. "Yes," I said stoically.

"Well you had better leave a big tip then. Do you plan on ordering from the menu, or are you going to make something up? I won't be surprised if you ask for a Double Double."

"That's better than what I had in mind, thanks."

"Oh, great, now I'm giving you ideas."

"Even the greatest minds need help sometimes"

"That's right, you are the little super genius aren't you?"

"Well, you got the little part right."

A.J. laughed as the waitress returned with our water. "Are you ready to order?" she asked with a hint of suspicion in her voice.

I smiled at her and replied, "I am under strict orders to be nice to you and to only order something from this menu," pointing at the cafe's menu, "so I am not ready yet."

Laughing, A.J. answered, "I would like the Mediterranean salad please." She leveled her eyes on me and gazed hard. I knew I had to behave.

"How about the fried chicken salad with avocados and sunflower seeds?"

"Alright, can I get you anything else?" she asked as she smiled at A.J.

"No thank you," A.J. replied and our waitress walked to the back of the cafe.

"So, were you a waitress in a past life or something?"

"I guess I could have been, I don't really know what I was in my past lives

"I think I was a Muslim chemist with a fondness for music

"What!?" A.J. looked shocked, "Why do you think that?"

"Well, I seem to have this subconscious memory for chemistry, not that I know everything about chemistry, and almost all of the experimental drugs I whip up in the lab do something to the test patients. And, I'm so passionate about music, the way it penetrates the deepest parts of my being and fills me with such," I paused dramatically, "Uhh! I don't even know how to describe it, I just love it!"

"Ok, but what about the Muslim part?"

"Ahh, yes, I go crazy for any kind of pig meat. I think I must have been forbidden to eat it or something." I threw my sexiest look at A.J. and added, "Too bad you don't have a hog body, snort!"

A.J. looked at me skeptically for a moment then said, "You are a nut. If that is an accurate way to determine what you were in a past life then I must have been a cat loving, carnivorous, nun."

I thought about it for a second before saying, "Because you're now a cat loving, vegetarian, nympho?" I couldn't help smiling at the thought.

A.J. laughed, "Very good! I didn't think you would figure that out so quickly."

"Super genius!" I said with a cheesy smile and a thumb pointing at myself, she chuckled. I continued, "But you're not serious, right?" I raised my left eyebrow and stared.

"No! Except for the meat eating and the cat parts, but I'm not a nymphomaniac." A.J. then picked up my napkin and began to manipulate it with her origamic fingers.

"Boy, that's a shame" I hung my head slightly and shook it slowly, thinking that her need to do something with her hands meant she was trying to hide the fact that she was lying about being a nymphomaniac.

A.J. lightly slapped my left hand, "You're so bad." Her eyes were wide and shining, her smile gleamed.

"Ahh, your leaves and stems are here my little herbivore."

Our waitress stepped up to our table, "Mediterranean for you, and fried chicken for the smart aleck. Need anything else?"

"I uhh," I noticed A.J. glaring at me, "No, nothing, thank you." I flashed a sly smile at A.J. and said, "You take all the fun out of dinning out."

"You poor baby," she replied as she shook her head, fingers lost in a dance of creation. "So, what have you been up to lately?"

"Aside from ducking responsibilities as much as possible, just contemplating the nature of human existence, as usual."

"Is that all?"

"Do I detect a hint of sarcasm?"

"No" she said even more sarcastically.

"You're lucky you're so cute."

"Why thank you," she replied fluttering her eyebrows.

"I've also been talking about the possibilities of time travel with a buddy of mine."

"Well, do you think it is possible?"

"Yes."

"Is that all I get, just a 'yes'?"

"That's all you asked, what more do you want?"

"How about telling me why you think its possible wise guy."

I took a deep breath and put on my most serious face to set her up for the line of bull I was about to give her, "At this very moment we are traveling into the future at a constant rate."

Laughing again A.J. said, "Wow, that is fascinating. When are you going to write the book? I can't wait to read all about this amazing new concept."

"Ahh, hahaha. You are 5000 funny. You ever think about making humor a career? But seriously, I know you want to earn at least minimum wage. Now really, the simple fact that our finite minds can conceive of time travel makes me believe its possible. I've been discussing this topic with my mentally gifted buddy Rocco. He read a quote from Steven Hawkins that said something like, 'The fact that we are not bombarded by tourists from the future proves that time travel is not possible.' We quickly refuted his point by deciding that if we had the chance to travel back in time we would dress to fit in whatever era we traveled to, and we sure as hell wouldn't tell anybody that we came from the future."

"That's interesting. Where would you go? Or should I say when?" A.J. reached across the table and set the napkin animal above my bowl.

"That, is a jellyfish," I said as I stared at her in disbelief.

She smiled brightly, "Yes, that is exactly what it is

"I can't believe you made a jellyfish out of my napkin. I didn't even know that was possible."

She flashed me a coy sideways smile and said, "Anything's possible if you put your mind to it

"I'm afraid to pick it up. It might sting me

A.J. closed her eyes and shook her head, "you are hopeless

"You never cease to amaze me. Do your talents have an end?"

I could do nothing but grin, and almost had to slap myself in order to get back to what we were talking about. I shook my head slightly and said, "I'm not sure when I would want to travel to. What about you?"

"Hmmm," she stroked her chin and brought her eyebrows down, "I think I would go to ancient Egypt. I want to see how they built the pyramids for one thing, and I would just like to see how impressive it was in its prime. I imagine it was so beautiful and majestic."

"You realize Cleopatra would have you killed if she saw you."

"What makes you say that?"

"Because she would look plain next to you."

"Oh stop it."

She almost blushed before I said, "Hey, it's not my fault you're so radiant." Then she blushed.

"Ok, you made your point, thank you. I also want to go to Spain in the 1500's or whenever it was that they wore those big ruffled collars. I had a dream about them once. Do you know what I'm talking about?" She was waving her hand at me as if it would bring my reply more quickly.

"I know the collars, I make my dogs wear them."

"Ha ha," she said deliberately, "and I want to go to Mongolia when Attila ruled."

I reached for the roots of my sarcasm, "Oh yea, that would be the first place I'd go if I could travel anywhere in time

"Ok then smart guy, when you would travel to?"

"Aside from checking out the hanging gardens of Babylon, I would find Christ right before he slips off for the part of his life that's not written about in the Bible. I would love to find out what went on with him. You know, did he hang out with the Buddhists or the Hindus? Or did he hang out in pubs drinkin' vino until he saw God?"

A.J. reminded me calmly, "you better be careful or you're going to end up in that bar you told me about

"Ah, so true, I responded thankfully and continued without missing a beat, "I'd also try to find Lao Tsu. It might be fun to go get into an argument with Socrates too

"Is that all? Don't you want to see the parting of the Red Sea or Eden?"

"Hey!" I perked up a bit, "Eden, that could be cool, but I think that would cause some kind of paradox.

"What, you think God would kick you out or something. Would he say 'hey you stupid mortal, you aren't allowed in here' and send you back to your own time?"

I shrugged my shoulders and shook my head, "Maybe, I don't think I will get the chance to find out. God is probably a little peeved about the comments I just made about his only son being a lush."

"You're probably right. But who knows, maybe that massive brain of yours holds the secrets to time travel."

I couldn't help smiling at her; she was so damn charming and beautiful. We finished eating a short while later, said our good-byes and went our separate ways. We agreed that our tormented waitress deserved to keep the jellyfish napkin.

I drifted around feeling like I had won the lottery. The sky was filled with the kind of fluffy white clouds in which some people see all kinds of things like knights on horses, lions or President Clinton's profile. I always see big fluffy clouds, nothing else, just clouds. My personal belief is that those people make most of the things they say they see up so they appear to have great imaginations. I'm not bitter; I just think they lie, the bastards. I could be wrong.

I thought about how easy A.J. and I were together. We talked like two actors reciting lines from a well know play. Sure it was a blasphemous play lacking a point, but we had our lines down cold.

I thought about my powerful attraction to A.J. I have had an eye for beauty since I can remember knowing the difference between boys and girls. I used to run around kissing all the girls in my kindergarten class, because it was so darn fun, but I really only liked one of the little girls. I thought Jessica was the cutest thing on Earth, and had we been more than five years old we might have had something. I remained that way all through grade school; a big flirt. I learned it from my Dad. I would watch him talk to women and figured that men just spoke that way to women.

I knew that I was attracted to A.J. not only because she was molded after Venus herself, but also because she had the mind of Athena. And there was a kindness and compassion that surrounded A.J. I always felt warmth around her, from her.

I wandered around for an hour or more, turning up this street then that one, not knowing where I was headed and not caring. A gentle breeze kept me cool and the sun kept me warm. My thoughts circled my scull at a furious pace. I wondered if I was just infatuated with this woman because I had flirted with her for so long. Could it be that years of desire fooled me into thinking I felt more for her than I really did? Perhaps I felt responsible for all the flirting I had done and so it was my duty to really try to catch her now that she was single. I didn't buy any of that garbage. I knew she was special. I just wished I could see her bitchy side. I didn't know how vicious she could get and I am yet to meet a woman who doesn't have a bitchy side. That really didn't matter because her charms had to out weigh her flaws, no matter how terrible they might be. Unless she collected knickknacks, I couldn't tolerate that. Heck, she could pick her nose and eat the slimiest green hangers right in front of me and that would be cool, but not knickknack collecting. It's all about dusting and moving, in case you were wondering.

I had worked up a mighty thirst pondering all of those deep personal mysteries. Fortunately, I happened to be wandering past a 7-il, so I strolled inside for a cold drink. The teenage guy working the register looked stoned to the gills, so I gave him a hard menacing look as I walked past him. I didn't say a word when he said hi, I just squinted my eyes a little. He seemed to shrink when I did that, could have just been my field of vision narrowing, but I think he backed up a little. I walked to the Big Gulp dispenser and began to fill one up with Dr. Pepper, being sure to look over my shoulder at the paranoid teen every ten or fifteen seconds. I stopped looking when I was almost done. I put the lid on the drink and stabbed a straw into the pre-sliced hole. I put the biggest friendliest smile that I could on my face and turned to face the poor guy again. His eyes widened and he moved his head back a couple of inches when he saw my face. I swaggered over to the counter staring at him the whole time. As I set the drink on the counter, I said in an overly friendly voice, "Hey man! How's it goin'? You would not believe how thirsty I am right now. I mean dude, I am sooo thirsty I would drink the water from a puddle; hell I would drink my own pee. Well Ok, I'm not that thirsty, but man, I am close."

His nametag said Randall. He didn't say anything for about ten seconds. Then he stuttered, "Is uhh," he paused again, "Is that all." The look on his face was priceless, a twisted mix of curiosity and terror. I couldn't resist screwing with him more.

"Hmmmm? That is a very good question Randall." I put my right hand to my cheek, crossed my left arm over my stomach and rested my right elbow in my left hand.

Randall asked, "How did you know my name?"

"I...am cursed," I said like the guy in the 50's movies confessing that he was the werewolf, "with the ability to read," and I stopped as if I intended to add minds to the end of the sentence. I stood there and watched his eyebrows move closer to one another and his mouth open slightly. After deciding that he had pondered this long enough I continued, "I can read your name tag."

Randall looked down to see if I was telling him the truth. "Ohhh, dude I thought you were gonna say you could read my mind. Wheew, that woulda been freaky." He grinned and his eyes squinted. It seemed that his eyes and mouth were connected in such a way that the bigger his smile, the smaller his eyes.

I smiled warmly again and said, "I am working on it, but I'm not there yet. A few more months and I may be able to read simple minds like yours, but it will take lots of hard work." Randall's head nodded and he grinned at me fondly. "Well, thanks Randall, and, have a nice day."

"Hu, hey, yo man, you too bra, and good luck with that mind reading shit."

I waved as I walked out the door and Randall waved back. That wasn't the first time I got a free Big Gulp and probably wouldn't be the last. Cut me some slack, it's the closest thing to the Jedi mind trick I've got, but I'm working on it.

I walked home, unable to keep A.J. far from my thoughts. I thought about something my mother had told me only a few months previously. She said, "Most men never learn the difference between sex and love." She had said this in response to my telling her that I did not have a love life, only a sex life, and that was why she never heard about my girlfriends. The difference shone clearly in my mind and heart. Sure, I had had sex, and I guess I have felt love, or at least played the man in love before. I had never loved a woman so completely that I disappeared. My ego always reared its handsome head, and I remained the most important part of my life.

How did A.J. fit in? What role did I want her to play in my life? I desired her sexually, how could I not desire such a voluptuous woman? I did not, however, feel that I needed our relationship to be sexual in order for it to be satisfying. This was a new feeling for me. I could picture us sitting together on a porch, at least 6o years old, smiling in contentment with one another.

I noticed my heart thumping heavily, but I had not exerted myself during my walk. Suddenly, the unspoken words from my dream sounded themselves, 'Your heart does not lie' .1 felt much closer to their meaning this time, but I was afraid to accept them at the same time. I felt excited and terrified at the same time. I tried to calm my mind as I approached my home.

I finished drinking my soda, straightened up a bit and then worked on a drug I am trying to perfect. Ideally, it converts the hormones produced in a woman 5 premenstrual cycle into joy producing endorphins. The most powerful and calming endorphins the human body can create. I still have much research to do, and several problems to resolve, but pharmaceutical companies gladly fund my pet project. I fell asleep working.

I woke up, sometime around four A.M., feeling like I'd slept for a week. Normally, I surfaced from my dreams like a whale catching its breath, only to plunge back to their creamy depths moments later. Not that night. My smallish home felt unusually warm so I slipped naked from my bed. Most mornings I pulled on my sweat bottoms and a sweatshirt quickly after rising, but the air kept me cozy this morning. I be-bopped around for about i8 minutes, decided there was nothing I wanted to do, alone, in my home at four in the morning, and headed to the beach.

The moon was the thin faceless grin of a lunatic, not providing much light, but comforting me with its abundant happiness. The gentle ocean breeze held the outside temperature a little lower than the temperature inside my home. Had I left my house naked my nipples would have turned into firm little pebbles and a couple of other parts of my anatomy would have sought refuge in a warmer place in my body. Fortunately, I had slipped on a pair of jeans and a fleecy pullover.

In Jim Morrison fashion, I languidly swaggered down the block entranced by the sound of breaking waves. The smell of salt air and the wind in my hair lightened me to the point of feeling I would walk up into the air. I passed by the arcade, uncharacteristically quiet this time of morning, and across hotel row, the street for tourists. Then, past the rich folk's homes, three feet from the sand, over the sidewalk that slithered along the edge of the beach and sank my tootsies into the smooth warmish sand. I took a left, like Bugs Bunny should have in Albuquerque, walked for about five minutes and then planted my butt on the beach.

As I walked there, my mind wandered in and out of the sounds produced by the foot high waves...

Why are humans such obsessive explorers? What do we expect to find? For one thing, if the universe expands infinitely, then we can not possibly expect to explore it all. If it isn't infinite, at some point we will have seen it all, and then what? Do people expect to find a better place to live, a more adventurous way of life? That seems likely. Adventure! Excitement! What could be more adventurous than boldly going, yadda yadda yadda. But, all we can do is continually get farther from home, or define the borders of our gigantic prison. And sure, it is a huge prison, but it has limits and is therefore like a prison. While exploring space sounds exciting, I can't imagine it being all that useful in the long run. Sure I'd like to fall into a black hole, even though it would rip me apart atom by atom and probably not reassemble me correctly, but the most challenging and rewarding adventure seems to be the journey into ones own self. The search for the immortal soul, the rumored connection to God. Maybe it's just me, but that would seem to benefit the human race more than anything else I can think of. If everyone searched inside themselves for that light, that never fading energy source, wouldn't we all be moving towards a more peaceful cooperative way of living? Isn't it possible that the energy at the center of every atom is that God thing? That might explain the massive explosion when atoms are split. I know I'd be pissed and would love it if I blew up when something split me...

That's when I sat down.

While sitting on the beach, my mind continued wandering...

What is this world coming to? Wouldn't a better question be, what is this world? It seems that concentrating on what the world is at this moment would inspire action more readily than thinking about what may or may not be on its way. Like in Island, Aldous Huxley's Mynah birds repeated, "Here and now" so the islanders would focus only on the present moment in time. And that guy who took Richard Alpart to his guru so he would later become Baba Ram Das and write a book entitled Be Here Now, what is his name? Ohh, damn, what is it?! Oh yea, Bhagavan Das. His book is It's Here Now (Are You?). Simple concept...difficult practice. Why should it be so hard to be aware of only this moment? Even at this moment I am not really here and now. The very act of thinking about being here-now makes actually being here right now impossible. I know where I'd like to be. I wonder if she thinks about me at all when we're not together? I wonder why I am so drawn to her? No I don't. She brings beauty to everything around her. Her voice, music to bring tears to Bach's eyes. A wit that tickles my most private places. And, maybe someday I will know the joy of being held in her arms...

I breathed the tide in and the tide rolled my breath back to the ocean. The noise generated by the one foot waves breaking drowned out the sound of my breathing. I don't know how long I sat there simply breathing in the moment before I decided to lay back. I also don't know how long I slept there before the seagull poop landing on my belly woke me up.

I stood up, brushed myself off, noticed that the sun prepared to make its entrance, and walked to the edge of the coldish ocean water. I weighed my options. I could jog to my house, two blocks away, and hope no one saw me with seagull dung on my tummy, or I could bravely hop into the water and quickly wash the crap off. I really didn't want to jog anywhere.

The ocean's chill didn't bite as deeply as I'd feared it would, but the doo-doo stuck stubbornly to the little hairs below my belly button. The water got to me as I scrubbed so I had to add a touch of yellow dye to the blue-green mix. This, momentarily, warmed my surroundings.

The bird turd now removed, I emerged from the gently rolling waves, striding something like the creature from the black lagoon. I tried to block the repeating duh dunt, duh dunt duh dunt duh dunt, from my mind, but it played again and again all the way back to my home. It finally stopped when I saw A.J. sitting on my front step. My heart began thumpin' like the base line in Lester Leaps In. A.J. radiated beauty, peace and love like a hippie in 69 on a few hundred mics of Orange Sunshine. I stood still, admiring her from afar since she had not seen me yet. I wondered why she was waiting for me and the thousand different reasons my mind generated, good and bad, swirled the theme to Jaws into oblivion. I inhaled as much of the calming ocean air into my lungs as possible and took a step forward. She turned her head and caught my second step with a smile. I smiled back as she stood up.

"Good morning," I said, holding my nerves in check, "What brings you out here?"

"Hi," I sensed a bit of uncertainty in her voice, "I need to ask you a question."

"Okay," I said.

A.J.'s eyes seared into mine. She took a deep breath and asked, "Do you feel anything when I do this?" A.J. stepped forward and kissed me, her arms reaching around my waist to pull me closer.

I felt nothing for a few seconds, but that happened after the initial surge of elation, that flooded my every nerve ending, subsided. Then, after the numbness of extreme sensory overload passed, I felt deeply comforted and great joy; a feeling not unlike returning home after a long vacation that really sucked ass. More specifically, my right hand felt her perfectly rounded behind.

Now, unlike other authors who pander to the lowest common denominator, I am not going to tell you about the other feelings I had. Like that feeling of warmth that filled my manhood to the point of bursting. Or, that feeling of my firmness pressing against A.J.'s hot wanting body. I am not going to tell you about that because it would be in poor taste. It is for that same reason that I won't tell you about the fiery passion that erupted on the entry way floor, then oozed its way through the house and ultimately ended tip, that evening, in a steaming wet puddle of exhausted bliss, on the kitchen counter. No, I wouldn't dare stoop so low. All I will tell you is that this marked the beginning of the happiest period of my life, and the time when I discovered the true unparalleled value of ballet. The two weeks that followed will always hold my number one slot for ideally joyous memories.

Two weeks later, to the day, A.J. left. She came by my place that afternoon, told me good-bye, gave me a warm kiss, handed me what appeared to be an origami dove made from a white lacy material and told me not to chase her. That pretty much ended the conversation.

I watched, in a state of shock, as she walked up the street. I stood there with my jaw hanging and my heart shriveling for 15 minutes, until a small whitish blob of seagull refuse splattered on my shoulder. Then, I stood there for another 10 minutes.

That brings us up to date, and back to the present moment. I am sitting on my couch, dried shit on my shoulder, imagining my future.

I'll hold it together, for the next year, by chasing after A.J., even though she'll ridicule and insult me and tell me to leave her alone every time I see her. I'll even get pounded a couple of times, depending on who she's dating at the time and how drunk and unruly I am. The next couple of years I'll give in to the heartbreak and drink constantly. I'll wake up drunk most afternoons. I'll end up living on the beach and pandering for money. I'll think I've hit bottom before I discover crack. That's when things will really get bad for me. Finally, I'll stumble into a rehabilitation clinic, not knowing if its day or night, and they'll sober me up and give my life meaning again. But I will always feel like my life is incomplete and that something magical slipped through my fingers.

Who knows, maybe I will forget all about her in a week or two. Maybe this is just a test to see if I really will chase her, and I will. Right now, I think I'll go take a long warm shower to wash the feces from my body and some of the pain from my heart.

Well, that's my story.

Ok, that almost completes my story. My publisher, a tubby, rude, greasy, balding with his few remaining hairs combed over his lumpy head, cheapskate, loudmouth, sweat-ball of a man with the body hair of an ape, hates happy endings. I do not think any woman has ever had sex with him, without payment first. Which would explain why he detests endings where the guy gets the beautiful girl. He loved my first ending. So much so, he hugged me. He even tried to kiss me, but I'm pretty quick and slippery when I need to be. I can't tell you what he tried to do when I brought him this last part, but if you have ever seen Elmer Fudd get angry hunting that waskely wabbit and turn plaid then you have an idea.

The day A.J. said good bye, I decided to get piss drunk. I managed to knock back about four shoots of some old cheap-ass whiskey, I had stashed at my pad, before yawning in Technicolor from my back porch. Then, instead of a good strong buzz, I got a headache and the shits. Of course, around 9:30, my toilet backed up, overflowed and watered the fungus growing on my bathroom floor. I hate that damn Murphy guy.

So the next morning, after my third cappuccino, I decided I was the King of the World and the time had come to get my Queen back! Nothing could stop me! I would travel to the ends of the Earth! I would slay the fiercest dragons and fight off the wickedest demons! I would cut way back on my caffeine intake!

I called my longest friend, Dan. Longest because I had known him since the age of three, and various other reasons. Dan is an exceptionally bright man. He worked hard and got a cushy job, with top secret clearance, in the National Security Agency(NSA). After no less than i~ minutes of having my call transferred from here to there, my social security number checked three times, my address confirmed twice and my mother's maiden name established, I heard Dan's voice, "This is Dan, I'm your man, how can I help you?" His authoritative voice inspired pride in me.

I replied, "My man, you keepin' the world safe from the loonies you create?"

"Ha ha, that's not very funny. You know they monitor these phone calls. You also know they lack a sense of humor here," he said seriously. Then, the Dan I grew up with asked, "How ya doin' my brotha?"

"I'm in pretty bad shape. A.J. left me yesterday." Dan already knew all about A.J., how important she was to me. I continued, "She left town yesterday. I'm going after her. I have no idea where she's headed, so I needed to know if you could give me a tip on where to find her."

"Hmmm," I could hear him typing, "I know you re crazy about A.J. Let me see what I can do. This won't take long."

I could hear him talking to someone, a female someone. He was saying how good she looked and how they should have dinner that night. I could hear her laughing and telling him she did not know how good an idea that would be. It tickled me to hear him getting his groove on, but I was getting impatient. I kept my mouth shut and waited as patiently as possible. About nine minutes later Dan asked if I was still there. He informed me, "A.J. just stepped out of a taxi and entered Verde Bud's Hotel on the island of Jamaica. I would have told you five minutes ago, but this sexy little temp worker has been givin' me the eye all day and I couldn't wait to hook it up with her."

I thanked him and wished him good luck with the temp worker. He reminded me that he didn't need luck and told me to go get my girl. After saying good bye, I formed my plan to go to Jamaica.

A mere i8 hours later, I peered through my window, across the street, at Verde Bud's. About 3 hours remained before sunrise, and this time, I would be the one waiting, on the front step, when it did. I tried sleeping for awhile, but after renaming every element on the periodic table with a Charles Mingus song title, I opted to go to the beach instead.

I ran one hundred scenarios through my anxious mind. Some where A.J. jumped for joy, others where she punched me in the stomach and everything in-between. My mind spiraled around thoughts of her, filling me with an anticipatory excitement I had never known. I may not have been close to A.J. for very long, but I knew she was supposed to play a major role in my life, and I in hers. The more time we spent together the more her physical beauty became invisible. I knew A.J. was gorgeous and sexually vibrant, but I would get lost in her words and in the feelings she shared with me. I sometimes lost sight of her physical body and only felt the passion, compassion and verve for life she radiated. I could feel the fear and elation struggling for control inside my heart. I knew I could be crushed, if my feelings were not reciprocated. I knew I could be elevated to dwelling in Heaven's courtyard, if my feelings were reciprocated. My mind and heart spun on, and like always, I d₀ not know how long I stared at the stars thinking, or how long I slept.

Thank goodness, this time, it wasn't seagull excrement that woke me. Sunlight, glorious sunlight penetrated my lids and popped my eyes open. I hopped up, fearing I had already missed A.J. I couldn't bear the thought of waiting around for her if she decided to go sight seeing or something. As much as I hated the idea, I jogged back to the hotel, for fear of missing her. As usual, all the imagining in the world wouldn't have helped me to visualize the right scenario.

A.J. sat on the step leading into the hotel I was staying in. I stopped jogging, when I saw her sitting there, and she stood up.

"Good morning," she said with a smile, "you look surprised. I thought I am the one who should be surprised."

I stuttered for a moment, "I uh, but, um, yea, that's right."

"You gonna' be all right?" she asked, smiling warmly at me. sucked some wind and replied, "Yea, I think so. But I don't understand," I continued, the anger showing itself on my face, "Are you here waiting for me?"

"I had almost forgotten how cute you are when you're mad."

"My anger amuses you?," I stared at her, confused and curious, "Do you have any idea how much pain my heart's been filled with for the last 36, 48 hours, whatever its been?" I did not understand the smile shining at me.

"Well, I won't keep you in suspense any longer," her beaming smile only infuriated my confusion. "I knew you would come after me, I planned on it. I even told Dan where I would be because I knew you would call him."

"Why in the world would you do something like that?" I had a tough time sounding angry.

"Lighten up," she said as she softly shoved me, "I have something I want to tell you

"Alright, what is it then?"

She looked for the deepest place in my eyes, "I want to marry you, not for a few years, but I thought we could have the honeymoon first. Here and now. Hello, are you still there?"

That was my first encounter with shock. I couldn't think or move, only stare at this lovely creature before me, smiling at me.

"Here, maybe this will help," and with that A.J. kissed me. I began to regain control of my senses. My senses came alive. All the pain and confusion melted under the intense heat we were creating there in front of my hotel. We kissed there for a few minutes then decided to walk down the street to find someplace to have breakfast.

"I can understand your knowing I would marry you, in a few years, but what would you have done if I hadn't come after you?" I put my arm around her as we walked.

"Oh, I would have just found me a tall dark native to play with."

"Ah, I see. Should I start calling you tramp now?"

A.J. jabbed me in the ribs, "Hey! You better watch it."

I chuckled, "Why's that, you gonna' leave me?"

A.J. laughed along with me, "Well, we both know I know how to leave."

We found a quiet place to have breakfast, overlooking the crystal clear water and nearly white sand. At least it was quiet before we got there. We laughed and talked all through breakfast, and frolicked on the island for the following week. That week has now moved up into my fondest memories slot. And, I have a feeling that every week I spend with A.J. will fit into that slot. Now that is my story.